All’s Fair in Love and War: A Rant on “Securing the Bag” (For Both Genders)

Last night, I stumbled across this video of a young woman responding to a comment about white women getting married before they even graduate nursing school. She didn’t hold back—her take was that a man who proposes to a woman while she’s still in nursing school is just “securing the bag,” plain and simple. In other words, he’s locking down a future nurse’s paycheck while she’s still learning how to stick IVs in people’s arms.

She went on to say that she knows all about these types of men because her coworkers complain about them constantly. One example? A coworker who could only take eight weeks of maternity leave because her husband doesn’t make enough to cover the bills. The implication: that dude married her for the money, not the love.

Now, I’m not saying she’s wrong. I’m saying, let’s flip this scenario around for a second. Imagine a man making a video telling other men that women who accept marriage proposals while he’s in law school, med school, or on the brink of going pro in sports are only there to “secure the bag” for themselves. You think that video would go over well? Not a chance.

Here’s the thing: a lot of women still see men as the default providers, and that’s fine if we’re stuck in 1922. But it’s 2023, and women are out here bragging about being “boss bitches”—which, by the way, just means doing what men have been doing for centuries: working full-time, paying bills, and having your own money. Congratulations, we’re all grown-ups now.

And I’d be perfectly fine with this mindset that men have to provide for women if it weren’t for some of the double standards we see today. Let’s talk about a few:

✅ 1 in 3 women admit to going on dates just for the free meal. That’s right—some of these dates aren’t about finding love, they’re about securing a dinner they didn’t have to pay for. And don’t even get me started on the women who try to bring their friends along “for safety” and expect the guy to cover the tab for everyone. When he refuses? He’s called broke or worthless. [Source: Plenty of fish and Hinge studies show 30% of women admit to this behavior.]

✅ Then you have broke women hitting the club with zero dollars in their bank account, fully expecting men they have no interest in to buy them drinks all night. That’s not just playing the game, that’s hustling like a broke college kid on ramen noodles.

✅ And let’s not forget the women who flip the script and claim men are transactional—only to turn around and say a man who won’t buy their kid Happy Meals after two dates is trash. You can’t have it both ways.

The funny part? If men did the exact same thing, they’d be called gold diggers and bums. Yet when women do it, it’s just “feminine wiles” or “securing the bag.”

Now, don’t get me wrong—I know there are men out there who do the exact same thing. There are plenty of guys trying to find a woman who’s got a high-earning job lined up or who’s about to cash out with a fat inheritance. But if women want to play the game, it’s only fair that men can play it too. I’m not saying I’d ever do it—personally, I’d rather buy my own dinner and avoid the drama—but if we’re all equal now, there shouldn’t be a double standard.

At the end of the day, here’s the bottom line: it doesn’t matter whether you’re a man or a woman—you need to protect yourself from people who are only in it for your earning potential. It’s something men have always had to deal with, but it’s a relatively new reality for women, considering that until 1974, banks were legally allowed to require a woman to have a husband or father co-sign for a loan. (That’s when the Equal Credit Opportunity Act was passed, for those keeping score at home.)

So here’s the real message: whether you’re male, female, or anything in between, make sure the person you’re with is there for you—not your future paycheck. We all deserve to be wanted for who we are, not what we can provide.

Because at the end of the day, love is supposed to be about more than money. But if we’re being honest? In this economy, I get it—love might be expensive. Just make sure you’re not paying for someone else’s hustle while you’re out there building your own.