Stars, Stripes, and Sales Funnels

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This Independence Day, let’s talk cost. Because every firework is a receipt, every flag is a price tag—and freedom? That shit ain't free. It was bought, sold, and leveraged like a subprime mortgage.


Patriotism in America is just capitalism with fireworks.

Every July 4th, we drape ourselves in flags made in China, buy red-white-and-blue Doritos, and pretend that a grill on sale from Home Depot is a show of national loyalty. Walmart rolls out 'Freedom' deals, Amazon pushes 'Independence Essentials,' and Budweiser drops commercials more emotional than a Hallmark funeral.

Meanwhile:
- Firework shows are funded by defense contractors like Lockheed Martin and Raytheon
- The average 10-minute fireworks display costs cities $15,000–$100,000—while public schools beg for pencils
- Politicians wave flags while slashing veteran benefits and gutting SNAP programs
- The “support the troops” crowd can’t name a single VA reform they backed
- The average American household spends over $900 celebrating July 4th—on food, booze, party supplies, and gas

Let’s be real:
“You’re not free if the cost of living has you on life support.”

Student loans, housing inflation, and garbage wages are the real American tradition. The price of 'freedom' is a subscription model—monthly payments, hidden fees, and no cancellation policy.

And the corporations? They love it here.
- Tax breaks like it’s a sport
- Exploited labor under the guise of “job creation”
- Record profits while your rent hits record highs
- In 2023 alone, ExxonMobil made over $36 billion in profit while Americans paid near-record prices at the pump
- Walmart paid out over $13 billion to shareholders while fighting minimum wage increases
- Amazon’s effective federal income tax rate was just 6% in 2022—less than many middle-class families
- Starbucks spent more on stock buybacks than on employee benefits during a union-busting campaign

These companies aren’t patriotic. They’re parasitic. Wrapping their greed in red, white, and blue doesn’t make it noble—it makes it harder to see the blood on the balance sheets.

This isn’t patriotism. It’s a marketing strategy with a body count, wrapped in a flag, and deep-fried in nostalgia.

You Might Be American If...

America is a country where irony isn't a literary device—it's a way of life.

You might be American if:

💸 Economics Edition
- You think healthcare is a luxury, but Wi-Fi is a right
- You’ve got three jobs but still can't afford rent
- Your paycheck disappears faster than your student loan grace period
- You had to choose between groceries and gas last week
- You’ve never left the country, but still think everywhere else is worse
- You have a flag in your yard and no idea what Juneteenth is
- You think socialism means your neighbor gets your truck

🧠 Cultural Confusion Edition
- You think voting changes everything… and yet nothing

⚖️ Freedom and Fear Edition
- You can recite the Pledge of Allegiance but not your own rights during a police stop
- You’ve normalized school shootings more than you’ve read a book this year
- You think protesting injustice is unpatriotic—but storming the Capitol is "tourism"

And you might be American if:
- You can laugh at this list, cry about it later, and still vote for the same broken system next election.

Because satire is our coping mechanism, denial is our national pastime—and somehow, the joke’s always on us.

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