Family is a 6 Letter Word Just Like Any Other

Family is a 6 letter word just like any other word, and I know that might sound callous to say, but it's the truth. If you look up the word family it has several definitions. The first definition on the Merriam-Webster website defines a family as parents and children, the next defines a family as a group living in the same household under one household head, and another defines family by bloodline. There are several other definitions of the word, but as you can clearly see from these three definitions alone, anyone can be family or become someone's family. 

It's hard for many of us to reconcile this idea because we've all heard someone in life say something like "family is all we've got" or "family above everyone else", and based on that idea we elevate people to a status where we will tolerate a lot of crap because someone is family. 

Case in point, we've all seen in the movies, on TV, or know someone in real life, that has a family member that is a drug addict and despite the family's best efforts to be their for that person, the person just doesn't get their life together, but there's always that one family member that enables them either by doing the drugs with them or continuing to give them some sort of support to without any condition to get their act together because they are family. We all know how that stories ends and most times it's never well. Someone gets hurt before anything gets better and sometimes it takes someone dying before it finally sinks in how much damage either party has done. One will realize they took advantage or the other will realize they were an enabler, but both will wonder why it happened and it's because they let the title of "family" dictate their actions. Whether it be the enabler or the addict, both will use the excuse "we're family" to put themselves in that situation. 

What do I mean by that? Well, most of us look at the situation and will agree that the person who helping is doing the right thing because you don't turn your back on family and there are some who look at that situation and say that the family member is enabling them to continue with their addiction and I think the reason any of would see it differently is because we have all had a different experience. 

Maybe you didn't have a family member, but a friend that was a drug addict and you decided that after the first time they stole money from you it was time to stop being friends with them, but if it were a family member, would you have made the same choice? The answer shouldn't be any different, but because we throw the word family in there somehow the answer should be different, right? It's that expectation that allows us to tolerate stuff. 

People wonder why women stay with men that they married despite abuse, and at first it's because they love them and marriage means something, but after awhile it becomes fear and if they stay long, or live, enough it just becomes life. We put these titles on people and elevate them to a status they may not deserve and then when they prove they don't deserve it we do everything we can to try and deny the reality which is that family members are just like anyone else. They make mistakes, they take advantage, and they tear down just like anyone else and the only real difference between anyone you keep in your life is the value they bring to it.

There are people out there right now who hang out with family members that talk about them, steal from them, and all manner of stuff but keep coming back for more because they are family and the family that's toxic, they know they can abuse the privilege which is why they keep doing it. They know that because they are family those people will keep coming back, won't tell, or won't stand up to them because "blood is thicker than water". 

There are people out there right now afraid to be who they are because of family. There are people out there who let family talk to them any kind of way they want, discourage them, belittle them, and keep them from chasing their dreams and being happy, and truth is they don't have to. 

If you're one of those people who has a family member that does nothing but bring you grief, it's okay to cut them out of your life. Even if they haven't done anything "all that bad" except annoy the shit out of you, you don't have to keep them around. You can send that holiday card once a year, say happy birthday, and go on with your life because at the end of the day your happiness and well being comes first no matter who it is and if someone in your life is causing you to be unhappy it's time to move on from them, family or not. 

People do it all the time; move away from their family and home town because they weren't happy there and left it all behind, and sure, it was scary. Sure it was hard being alone, but they have, or will find, other people who build them up and enrich their lives in positive ways. Obviously we won't agree with everything anyone says and we'll fight from time to time, but for the most part the only people that should have a high status in your life are the ones who prove that you hold an equal status in their life. 

It's easy for someone in your life to say that they are your family, but what have they done to prove that they hold you in the same regards they do? It's not always easy to tell what people's intentions are especially when it comes to family which is why it's even more important, when it comes to family, to make sure that the ones you keep closest are the ones who have your best intentions in mind. This goes for everyone, but family especially because they are the ones in the unique position to take advantage of you without you ever even knowing. 

At the end of the day my point is this, family isn't anything but a 6 letter word that defines who a person is in relationship to another person. Could be a mom, dad and a child; could be friends you have since grade school-- we all have some definition of family, but those people we call family are just that, people-- and people make mistakes, they lie, they cheat, they steal, and they abuse just like anyone else and it's okay to cut out family members that make your life more difficult for whatever reason, and like I mentioned earlier, it doesn't mean that you have to cut off all communication, but sometimes it's good that the only time we talk to some people is when they shoot us a happy birthday or happy holidays text.