Waking Up at 37

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 There’s a certain kind of clarity that hits you when you’ve lived long enough to see patterns repeat.

Not once.
Not twice.
But over and over again.

At some point, you stop asking why things happen…
and start recognizing that they just do.

I’m Not Cold—I'm Intentional

People think being guarded means you don’t care.

That’s not it.

I care a lot.

If you reach out to me, I’ll meet you where you are:

  • You want to talk at work? We can talk at work.

  • You want to game? We can game.

  • You want to vent? I’ll listen.

I’m not going to shut people out or act like I’m above connection.

But what I don’t do anymore is overextend myself into spaces people never intended to build with me in the first place.

Most Relationships Are Situational

That’s the part people don’t like to admit.

A lot of connections exist because:

  • you work together

  • you live near each other

  • you share a hobby

  • you’re in the same phase of life

And when that situation changes?

So does the relationship.

No conversation.
No closure.
No intention.

Just… a slow fade.

I’ve Lived the Fade Too Many Times

I grew up moving every few years.

Different states. Different countries. Different people.

You meet someone.
You get comfortable.
You build something.

And then?

You’re gone.

New environment. New people. Start over.

Do that enough times, and you start to understand something most people don’t:

Connection doesn’t guarantee continuity.

And that realization sticks with you.

People Move Unintentionally—But It Still Hurts

Most people aren’t malicious.

They’re just… not thinking.

They:

  • reach out

  • connect

  • spend time

  • build familiarity

But they’re not asking:

“What does this mean to the other person?”

So when things shift, they don’t think twice about letting it fade.

Meanwhile, the other person is left going:

“Wait… what was all of that?”

Why I Keep People in Their Lanes

I don’t force depth where it doesn’t exist.

If all you want is:

  • a work conversation → that’s what we’ll have

  • a gaming connection → that’s what we’ll keep

I’m not going to project something more onto it.

But if you matter to me?

That’s different.

When You Matter, I Move Differently

I don’t do “go with the flow” anymore.

If you matter to me:

  • I’m going to check in

  • I’m going to listen

  • I’m going to be present

  • I’m going to be deliberate

Not because I need something from you.

But because:

I understand what it costs to let people matter.

I Don’t Do Disposable Connections

That’s the line.

I’m not interested in:

  • temporary placeholders

  • convenience-based relationships

  • connections with no direction

Not because I expect commitment.

But because I expect awareness.

The Truth About Me

I’m not hard to talk to.
I’m not antisocial.
I’m not bitter.

I just don’t move unintentionally anymore.

Because I’ve seen what happens when people do.

The Part Nobody Talks About

Everyone talks about ghosting in dating.

But the real ghosting?

It happens in friendships.

  • coworkers you never hear from again

  • people you used to hang out with every week

  • connections that felt real… until they weren’t

And nobody calls it what it is.

Where That Leaves Me

I’m not closing myself off.

I still:

  • meet people

  • connect

  • engage

But now?

I pay attention to how people maintain connection—not just how they start it.

Because I’ve Learned This the Hard Way

It’s not how something begins that matters.
It’s whether it’s built to last when life changes.

Final Thought

I don’t need you to promise me anything.

I don’t need labels.
I don’t need guarantees.

But if you’re going to be in my life?

Be intentional.

Because I am.

And I’m done pretending that doesn’t matter.

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