A Different Kind of Loss

I didn't lose the woman

I thought I'd marry.

I didn't lose some future

I'd already written in my head.

I didn't even know

if we would've worked.

I just knew I liked her.

She was funny.

Smart.

Beautiful.

And yeah,

if she'd wanted to see

if there was something more,

I would've taken that chance.

But there didn't have to be more.

That's the part

people keep getting wrong.

When she said

she didn't want a relationship,

I didn't hear wait.

I didn't hear convince me.

I didn't make friendship

a waiting room

for something else.

I wanted the friendship.

The stupid conversations.

The smoke breaks.

The lunches.

The random texts.

The things you send someone

because they crossed your mind.

I wanted somebody

to bullshit with,

to laugh with,

to occasionally waste

a perfectly good afternoon with.

I didn't need her body.

I didn't need a title.

I didn't need a promise

that someday she'd want more.

I just wanted her

in my life.

So no,

I'm not mourning

the relationship

we never had.

I'm mourning the friendship

I thought we did.

And that's

a different kind of loss.