A Glimpse

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I met this woman that I really admire.
She's sweet.
She's smart.
She's strong.
And I admire her in ways I don't think she understands.
I'm glad we met.
I'm glad we've talked and gotten to know each other, even if only a little.
But at the same time...
I'm saddened by the thought that she's been scarred and hurt so many times in ways that should have never happened to begin with.
Especially by people who looked at her and told her they cared.
I'm not a perfect man.
I make mistakes.
I always will.
But unfortunately...
to some degree or another...
I have to carry their sins.
Because at this point, she doesn't want a relationship.
She doesn't miss it.
She doesn't want it.
And I understand why.
Who would miss being in a relationship when most of the relationships you've been in have been controlling...
manipulative...
abusive?
Who wants to go back to something that's hurt them more often than it's loved them?
Who wants to open a door that's only ever led to another room full of pain?
I don't blame her.
I couldn't.
What makes me sad...
is that I really do care about her.
I care about who she is.
I admire her.
And selfishly...
I wish she'd give me a chance.
At least let me do all the heavy lifting.
At least let me show her that there are still good men out there.
I'm not trying to save her.
I'm not trying to fix her.
I just wish I had the chance to show her that caring about someone doesn't have to come with conditions.
That love doesn't have to feel like control.
That kindness doesn't always ask for something in return.
But I can't make her believe that.
And I can't make her ready.
So I'm not sad that we'll probably never be anything more than casual friends.
Because she's worth being a friend to.
She really is.
What makes me sad...
is knowing that I'll probably never get to know all of her.
I'll probably never know who she would've been...
if she'd been loved the way she deserved.
Instead...
I'll probably only ever get this little glimpse.

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