A Promise To Myself

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Everyday I wake up with the goal of begging for a job helping making someone else rich so I can feed off the scraps they're willing to give me.

I've played by the rules, and busted my ass. They said go to college and I did it. They said find a corporate job and I did.

They said work hard, keep your nose clean, and things will work out. You know what I got for it?

Laid off 3 times. That's what I got for all of my hard work, and yet, here I am still running to the very group of people begging for a jobs they'll put me out of on whim.

Tell me, "it's just business..."

It's not just business for me, but okay. I'll swallow that pill because what other choice do I have? That's the way folks do business, well then that's the way folks do business.

I'm 35 and I'll be 36 in May. I'm not getting any younger and if I keep this up I'll be doing the same shit until the day I die. I don't want this to be my life.

I don't want to keep looking over my shoulder wondering if I'm going to be laid off or spending hours of my day helping other people get rich while I just barely scrape by.

I've been half stepping with my online shop and media company because I've been begging for jobs that people don't seem to want to give me and letting them make me feel like I'm not worthy of anything.

I'm literally at rock bottom and I have a choice to make:

Do I go all in on myself or keep betting on people who don't even want to pick up a phone and have a conversation with me about a job I applied to?

Everything I've been afraid of in my adult life has happened. I've been laid off, I've been evicted, and some more shit, but in the end I survived.

I'm here to tell the tale of it all, so what is the actual worst thing that could happen if I put all of my effort into making myself a success?

My credit score takes a hit? I have to stay at my mom's house for awhile? I'll be broke?

That's all happening right now as I type this shit out, so really there's nothing else bad that can happen. The only place up I can go is up. I know I can do it. I know it'll be hard, but I'd rather wake up everyday working at making money for myself rather than keep working to make others rich.

At this point the only thing I've really been afraid of is living my life to the fullest. Taking risks. I've always played by the rules, and for the most part, been a square. I'm not getting any younger and before I know it, I'll be in my 40's and I don't want to be in my 40's doing this same shit.

I tried it the way they said to do it and I got no where. Now I'm going to start trying it my way before the rest of my life passes me by. Nothing good in life comes easy, but if there's one thing life has taught me it's what I'm made of and I'm still standing here ready to fight for the life I want.

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